XXI. An Unknown Ally
Today I walked into an Apple Store in Boston, Massachusetts. I was about to check my email, when I opened the internet to find this correspondence, appearing to have been written, but not yet sent:
“3 weeks ago a rather peculiar thing happened to me. It was 3 am and I was on episode 12 of the ‘Best Week Ever’ marathon when my power shut off. At once I sprung up from my seat and grabbed my handy Ginsu brand butcher knife suspecting that someone had cut off my power and was about to break into my apartment - I was nervous for obvious reasons, but mainly because I recently hacked into the CIA international agent database .. though I should explain though that I hadn’t slept in nearly 8 days so in my current state I am unable to discern what is tangible and what is a figment of my imagination, though I’m pretty sure that actually happened. But I digress..
As I gripped my butcher knife tighter and peered out of my windows, bracing for an attack, I began doing my routine nightly check of all the obvious locations for CIA monitoring devices, I found only dead ends. I checked the phone, the desk, the smoke detectors, my cat, my pillowcase, my shoes, and the back of my neck - but I found nothing. It was the single most terrifying moment of my life. I broke into a cold sweat. Time stood still. It was time for action.
At once I ripped all of my clothes off and threw them in a trash can, reached under the sink where I keep the kerosene and doused my clothes. Then I took my box of matches and lit my clothes on fire. For a moment I felt safe. But this moment soon passed. I realized that I had to do more to protect myself.
In a flash I ran into my bedroom and began shredding all of my manifestos and personal documents while I incinerated the rest of my wardrobe. Then I ran into the bathroom and began shaving my head. During this time my fire alarm went off and I soon heard the screeching sirens of the fire trucks coming. They clearly had me just where they wanted... or so they thought. I hopped naked through the window, out onto the fire escape, into the middle of the ice storm that was blanketing the city. I had nowhere to go but down, and without much time. As I passed each floor on the way down to the street I noticed that the CIA team coming to kill me had also knocked out the power to every apartment on my city block. They were smart... but I was smarter!
Once I got to the street, I hid in a dumpster, naked, my body shuttering in the cold. I waited for the 'firemen' to leave. As they departed I overheard them saying things like 'false alarm', 'nobody was in there', and 'looks like he got out.' Ha, indeed I did!!
As I left the dumpster, I walked the streets naked, creeping through the shadows and I began weighing my options, knowing that the manhunt would continue for as long as I lived. Flee for Mexico? Turn myself in? Take my own life? I am out of options.
I am writing this correspondence from an Appel Store in a location that I will not disclose, though I’m sure they’re monitoring every word I write and will soon be closing in. For all intents and purposes, I do not exist. I assure you though, I will not give up now. I will not fade away. Keep me in your thoughts and wish me luck... I’m going to need it.”
Can you believe he misspelled "Apple"? What a moron
“3 weeks ago a rather peculiar thing happened to me. It was 3 am and I was on episode 12 of the ‘Best Week Ever’ marathon when my power shut off. At once I sprung up from my seat and grabbed my handy Ginsu brand butcher knife suspecting that someone had cut off my power and was about to break into my apartment - I was nervous for obvious reasons, but mainly because I recently hacked into the CIA international agent database .. though I should explain though that I hadn’t slept in nearly 8 days so in my current state I am unable to discern what is tangible and what is a figment of my imagination, though I’m pretty sure that actually happened. But I digress..
As I gripped my butcher knife tighter and peered out of my windows, bracing for an attack, I began doing my routine nightly check of all the obvious locations for CIA monitoring devices, I found only dead ends. I checked the phone, the desk, the smoke detectors, my cat, my pillowcase, my shoes, and the back of my neck - but I found nothing. It was the single most terrifying moment of my life. I broke into a cold sweat. Time stood still. It was time for action.
At once I ripped all of my clothes off and threw them in a trash can, reached under the sink where I keep the kerosene and doused my clothes. Then I took my box of matches and lit my clothes on fire. For a moment I felt safe. But this moment soon passed. I realized that I had to do more to protect myself.
In a flash I ran into my bedroom and began shredding all of my manifestos and personal documents while I incinerated the rest of my wardrobe. Then I ran into the bathroom and began shaving my head. During this time my fire alarm went off and I soon heard the screeching sirens of the fire trucks coming. They clearly had me just where they wanted... or so they thought. I hopped naked through the window, out onto the fire escape, into the middle of the ice storm that was blanketing the city. I had nowhere to go but down, and without much time. As I passed each floor on the way down to the street I noticed that the CIA team coming to kill me had also knocked out the power to every apartment on my city block. They were smart... but I was smarter!
Once I got to the street, I hid in a dumpster, naked, my body shuttering in the cold. I waited for the 'firemen' to leave. As they departed I overheard them saying things like 'false alarm', 'nobody was in there', and 'looks like he got out.' Ha, indeed I did!!
As I left the dumpster, I walked the streets naked, creeping through the shadows and I began weighing my options, knowing that the manhunt would continue for as long as I lived. Flee for Mexico? Turn myself in? Take my own life? I am out of options.
I am writing this correspondence from an Appel Store in a location that I will not disclose, though I’m sure they’re monitoring every word I write and will soon be closing in. For all intents and purposes, I do not exist. I assure you though, I will not give up now. I will not fade away. Keep me in your thoughts and wish me luck... I’m going to need it.”
Can you believe he misspelled "Apple"? What a moron
posted by Max Rays at 2:06 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home