LX. Hazy Nights
“STOP HIM. HE IS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF!”
Allow me to take you on a journey that may or may not have occurred on the evening of June 17th, 2006. If you will patiently follow me through these strange events, you might be able to salvage the last bits of my mind from breaking from reality. I send you two gentlemen this message at a most urgent time.
Please, follow me. Without any plans of our own one lonely New York night, my roommates and I placed an order for the plant of plants with Max, a delivery boy. Forty-five minutes following, our delivery arrived. Not to waste anytime, we inhaled the sweet perfume to our hearts delight. Soon enough, the familiar fuzziness engulfed my body. Laughs ensued. Unable to quench our thirst for this magnificent plant, we followed the hazy cloud of sweetness further into the night by consuming this plant of plants different ways.
Upon satisfaction, an unsuspecting, brave soul placed a DVD into the dark Playstation 2. From the start, the movie seemed to be a shameful, softcore pornography following the same plot as Eurotrip.
As my mind wandered, I thought why not turn this movie off and talk philosophy. Plato, Aristotle, Socrates……..These were the men I admired so. As I sat pondering their insightful writings, I encountered a double-whammy that shook the very foundation of the universe.
Without warning, the plant of plants started to take control of my body and mind. Things were not as they seemed. Headrushes…chattering teeth…waves of nausea…fear of death…fear of all things...screaming demons…bleeding walls. Just as I leaned into tell my roommate to take me to the hospital, I glanced at the TV screen. What lay on that screen may have been the vision of the gardens of hell. Far from the softcore porn that once was, I found myself trapped in a torture chamber while a man was burning a young girl’s eye out with a blowtorch.
My eyes shut and I screamed. I soon returned to the world of light as my friends shook me from the dark oblivion. As light flooded my eyes however, I realized that my friends were no longer friends, but the demons that keep me up at night. I tore out of the dorm room and sprinted down the stairs into the fresh air that is New York City.
Cautiously, I glanced around to make sure that the demons had not possessed the lost souls on the streets. Slowly, I began to laugh nervously. The laughter soon turned into hysterics as I realized that I had probably consumed too much and was just freaking out.
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Feeling a bit better, I was overwhelmed with hunger, so I headed towards the nearby McDonald’s to enjoy a cheeseburger. I sat in line nervously craving a cheeseburger. When things began to feel a bit calmer, I decided to turn and speak to the patron next to me as I received my change and cheesburger, “Wow, this line is so….” With bleeding eyes, she screamed, “STOP HIM, HE IS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF!”
The doors burst open, and a man weighing 468 pounds ran towards the registers. He dove over the counter and stuffed approximately 56 sandwiches including wrappers into his gullet and choked to death.
Unable to speak, I walked quietly out of McDonald’s into New York’s busy streets leaving my cheeseburger behind due to a loss of appetite. I returned to my room and got into bed only to dream of pleasant meadows and puffy clouds……ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Allow me to take you on a journey that may or may not have occurred on the evening of June 17th, 2006. If you will patiently follow me through these strange events, you might be able to salvage the last bits of my mind from breaking from reality. I send you two gentlemen this message at a most urgent time.
Please, follow me. Without any plans of our own one lonely New York night, my roommates and I placed an order for the plant of plants with Max, a delivery boy. Forty-five minutes following, our delivery arrived. Not to waste anytime, we inhaled the sweet perfume to our hearts delight. Soon enough, the familiar fuzziness engulfed my body. Laughs ensued. Unable to quench our thirst for this magnificent plant, we followed the hazy cloud of sweetness further into the night by consuming this plant of plants different ways.
Upon satisfaction, an unsuspecting, brave soul placed a DVD into the dark Playstation 2. From the start, the movie seemed to be a shameful, softcore pornography following the same plot as Eurotrip.
As my mind wandered, I thought why not turn this movie off and talk philosophy. Plato, Aristotle, Socrates……..These were the men I admired so. As I sat pondering their insightful writings, I encountered a double-whammy that shook the very foundation of the universe.
Without warning, the plant of plants started to take control of my body and mind. Things were not as they seemed. Headrushes…chattering teeth…waves of nausea…fear of death…fear of all things...screaming demons…bleeding walls. Just as I leaned into tell my roommate to take me to the hospital, I glanced at the TV screen. What lay on that screen may have been the vision of the gardens of hell. Far from the softcore porn that once was, I found myself trapped in a torture chamber while a man was burning a young girl’s eye out with a blowtorch.
My eyes shut and I screamed. I soon returned to the world of light as my friends shook me from the dark oblivion. As light flooded my eyes however, I realized that my friends were no longer friends, but the demons that keep me up at night. I tore out of the dorm room and sprinted down the stairs into the fresh air that is New York City.
Cautiously, I glanced around to make sure that the demons had not possessed the lost souls on the streets. Slowly, I began to laugh nervously. The laughter soon turned into hysterics as I realized that I had probably consumed too much and was just freaking out.
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Feeling a bit better, I was overwhelmed with hunger, so I headed towards the nearby McDonald’s to enjoy a cheeseburger. I sat in line nervously craving a cheeseburger. When things began to feel a bit calmer, I decided to turn and speak to the patron next to me as I received my change and cheesburger, “Wow, this line is so….” With bleeding eyes, she screamed, “STOP HIM, HE IS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF!”
The doors burst open, and a man weighing 468 pounds ran towards the registers. He dove over the counter and stuffed approximately 56 sandwiches including wrappers into his gullet and choked to death.
Unable to speak, I walked quietly out of McDonald’s into New York’s busy streets leaving my cheeseburger behind due to a loss of appetite. I returned to my room and got into bed only to dream of pleasant meadows and puffy clouds……ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
posted by Ivan Drago at 2:03 PM
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